The struggle with my family!

I wish it could be easier to live the Christian life and I certainly wish that I could do a better job of honoring my mother and my father even when it is difficult. But I wonder why it is so difficult to obey their authority when I do not want to. I suspect that the number one reason is the fact that there is indwelling sin in me. I have idols that are in my heart that I feel that I must defy and dishonor my parents in order to get. It is like what Paul said in Romans 1:18-25 when He mentions how we exchange the glory of God (the truth) and then pursue the glory of created things and ourselves (the lie) and then we worship and serve the creation rather than the Creator like all men are made to do! (Colossians 1:16)

I must admit that their are difficulties that I face in my quest to love my family and to bring the gospel to them with the way that I live. I firmly do not believe that my parents can truly and genuinely love me as unbelievers. Why is that? Well love is the joyful passionate commitment to enthrall the person that is loved with what is most eternally and infintely satisfying and what can bring the most joy and pleasure and happiness to the person's soul. And what is the One Thing that the person who loves must give for the enjoyment of the other?? GOD!! That person must be committed to reflecting God in his life and must labor to point that person to God for his or her satisfaction. And because my father has rejected Christ, he cannot glorify My Heavenly Father or point me to His all-satisfying love grace and beauty. And it gets worse, he exalts gods that are made in his own image and tries to point me to them for his enjoyment and that was all that I could do when I was not a Christian. And exalting any other god for the person's enjoyment is an act of hatred not love. And so my father can only be unloving to me by preaching his false gods. And that is one factor that could potentially influence me to go against him when I should be honoring him.

I wish that my father would follow the biblical mandate of Ephesians 6:4 where Paul says for fathers not to expaserate their children but to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. And my father failed his part of the commandment and now this has hurt me throughout my whole life because I don't have a compass to lean on at my lonely house where I can find Christ.

In light of all of this I think that this is something that God will use for the time being in order to help me to grow and so that I may be complete and lacking in nothing like James says in 1:1-4. And then James goes on in verses 5-11 to say that I can ask with FAITH wisdom from God so that I can endure this trial that if I do I will get the crown of life. (James 1:12 cf. Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, 2 Timothy 2:10). And so I pray that God will give me the way out of the temptation of disobeying my father (1 Corinthians 10:13) and also that I can look to Jesus who faced an infinitely worse temptation to disobey His heavenly Father but made it through. (Hebrews 4:14-16, 12:1-3). And that Jesus is praying for me and interceding for RIGHT NOW in heaven. (Hebrews 7:25, 1 John 2:2) So let me run this race for the prize of more glory to reflect for all eternity!! God is awesome and he will use my parents sins and acts of hatred against me for my good and His glory because even these sins when God allows them they will be allowed for HIS glory not theirs. I pray that you guys will all help me as I struggle to fight the sins in my own life and as I endure the loveless house I live in.