Lamentations over my sinfulness

Today was a rough today because I sinned against my parents and I didn't talk about them in a positive and honoring way that God commands me to. (Ephesians 6:1-3) I just don't know anything anymore and I feel like my sinfulness towards my parents is ripping me apart and destroying my walk with God. I don't know if I can sincerely apologize anymore because I have a deep-seated fear that my flesh is plotting another sucessful victory and I am deathly scared that I will sin again. I feel like the situation I am in with my parents and my attitude towards their authority is like what the Apostle Paul described in Romans 7, how he struggles with the flesh. O how I wish that I could see God face-to-face so that I would never sin again. I am dearly sorry that I am such a sinner against my parents yet at the same time, I have a sinking attitude that my apology is not sincere. O what a wretched sinner that I am and that Christ is a Great Savior as John Newton said at the end of his life.

Why am I so sinful towards my parents. This is not an attempt to excuse it but to use my anyilitical skills to figure out what happened that led to this. The issue that puts me in a dire position with my family is the fact that my parents are not believers and therefore they cannot possibly represent God to me through loving authority over me. It is similar although not exact to the warning that God said to Eve when they sin, that Eve would try to rule over Adam and Adam would rule over Eve brutally in return. (Genesis 3 tells the sad story of this) And now because of both of our sins, we are now in heavy conflict with one another over matters like my actvities down at Eternity. I also believe that it is related to the fact that I am a college student and almost not a teenager and I want freedom from the authority of my parents as to where and when I go to EBC to hang and study. It feels like I am defeated either way.

I pray that you guys will not give up on me as your brother in Christ when it comes to making peace with my parents and having a good relationship with them because grace is what I, a sinner, so despreately need when it comes to my relationship with my parents. O what a wretched sinner I am and how much bigger is the grace of God in the midst of this. (Romans 5:12-21) Thanks Jesus for loving me in my sin and not just when I am righteous. Please pray that God would soften the hearts of my parents as I attempt to find peace with them over these issues.

I am just so grateful that Jesus Christ went through the worst of human experience as a man and was tempted to sin in every way yet he never sinned (Hebrews 4:14-16) and He overcame the world. (John 16:33) And I am just grateful that His mercy is new every day (Lamentations 3:22-23) in spite of all my sins against my family. I pray that our friendships that God has given me are not ruined by this experience and I pray that you guys will not give up on me as I struggle to become a godly man that God wants me to be.

Here is a wonderful song about God's faithfulness even when we sin. (1 John 1:9)
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:You make all things work together for my good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G_Xj3WAGBk

In sadness over the sting of sin,
Kevin Chu